Computer Ads on TV
"The man
, The Machine, The Software - PeopleSoft VII"
Boy - "I am a PB boy"
Girl - "I am a PB gal"
"Badte bacho ke liye complete software - Powerbuilder"
"Eat bugs, Sleep bugs.....Do only debugs"
Internet Programmer - "I got the ASP power , now u go get it!!!"
"Microsoft office - Nothing official about it !!!"
" Software ki raksha karta hein Norton Anti virus.... Software hai jaha, Norton Antivirus hein vaha..."
Project Manager - I want the code today....
Programmer - 2 minutes
"Programmer ka kaam kare asaan,
Duniya bhar me hai iski shaan...VB....VB.....VB"
Progect Manager - "Power objects is the secret of my programs"
Programmers - "Our programs"
Husband - Thak gaya hoon mein
Wife gives him instant coffee and says
To create instant miracle....Use
Oracle !
Email Rules
Thou shalt include a clear and specific
subject line.
Thou shalt edit any quoted text down to the minimum thou needs.
Thou shalt read thine own message thrice
before thou sends it.
Thou shalt ponder how thy recipient might react to thy message.
Thou shalt check thy spelling
and thy grammar.
Thou shalt not curse, flame, Spam or USE ALL CAPS.
Thou shalt not forward any chain letter.
Thou
shalt not use e-mail for any illegal or unethical purpose.
Thou shalt not rely on the privacy of e-mail, especially from
work.
When in doubt, save thy message overnight and reread it in the light of the dawn.
And, Here`s the "Golden Rule"
of E-Mail:
That which thou findest hateful to receive, sendest thou not unto others.
------------ ------- -------
Taste
In a biology class, the prof was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female
(freshman) raised her hand and asked "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar in male semen?"
"That's correct", responded the prof, going on to add statistical info. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why
doesn't it taste sweet?" After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out
laughing, the poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realised exactly what she had inadvertently
said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class... and never returned. However, as
she was going out the door,
the Prof's reply was classic... totally straight-faced he answered her question, "It doesn't taste
sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat !!!
--------------- ---------------- ---------------- ----------------
Who Am I? I'M ABOUT 8 INCHES LONG.
My functioning is enjoyed by members of both sexes. I'm usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready
for instant action. i boast a clump of little hairy things at one end and small
hole at the other. in use, i'm inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly,
into a warm, fleshy, moist opening.
i'm thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied
by squirming bodily movements. anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting
from the well lubricated movements. when finally withdrawn, i leave behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of
which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some from my long glistening shaft. after everything is
done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emanating, i return to my freely hanging state of rest, ready for yet
another bit of action. hopefully, i will reach my bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often it is much less.
Who am i ??
as you may have already guessed, the answer to the riddle is
none other than your very own....
toothbrush !!!!!!!!!!!
What were you thinking? You PERVERT!
--------------- ---------------- ---------------- ----------------
Bathroom Graffities
Bathroom graffiti 01
Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.
Bathroom graffiti 02
I came here,
To shit and stink.
But all I do,
Is sit and think.
Bathroom graffiti 03
Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls.
Bathroom graffiti 04
(Written high upon the wall)
If you can piss above this line,
Then the Fire Department wants you.
Bathroom graffiti 05
Scratched into the paint of the
condom-dispensing machine were
these words:
"Don't buy this gum, it tastes like rubber."
Bathroom graffiti 06
(A sign I saw at a swimming pool once)
We don't swim in your toilet, so please don't
pee in our pool!
Bathroom graffiti 07
(In the men's room at a Burger King restaurant)
It takes the human body about 24 hours to turn good food into shit.
It only takes Burger King 10 minutes
Bathroom graffiti 08
(Sign seen at a restaurant)
The hands that clean these toilets also make
your food......... please aim properly.
Bathroom graffiti 09
(Here's one seen above a urinal)
look up....
look up......
even higher on the wall......
keep looking up........
on the ceiling.......
Quick! Look down! You're pissing on your shoes!
Bathroom graffiti 10
(Written above a urinal)
"Why are you looking up here ? Are you ashamed
of it?"
Bathroom graffiti 11
Some people come here to take a shit,
I come here to leave one.
Bathroom graffiti 12
Here I sit so broken hearted,
Tried to shit but only farted.
How much longer must I linger,
Before I have to use my finger
