Why Marriages Fail

Poor communication financial problems A lack of commitment to the marriage A dramatic change in priorities   Infidelity

Failed expectations or unmet needs   Addictions and substance abuse   Physical, sexual or emotional abuse   Lack of conflict resolution skills

While the causes of marriage failure are multiple, a frequent one is the "grass is greener on the other side of the fence" syndrome. Many men allow themselves to be attracted by persons other than their chosen partners and eventually commit adultery

Depression and all mood disorders disrupt relationships both inside and outside the home. Marriages are severely strained by the temper, irritability, fatigue and apathy found in a depressed spouse. Twenty percent of all marriages are unhappy. In fifty percent of those unhappy couples, one or both spouses have a mood disorder. In my clinic, one of the most common causes of marriage failure is a mood disorder in a spouse. It is so important to get depressed people treated so that marriages can be saved

Poverty and hardship are the greatest causes of marriage failure, and innocent children suffer when their mothers are driven into the workforce.

Expectations

 Men and women enter marriage with storybook expectations and limited training.

a.  Women are more prone to these fantasies than men.

b.  People would not get divorced for such trivial reasons if they did not get married for such trivial reasons. Dwight Small, Design for Marriage,

Gender Differences

2.  Men and women lack understanding about the general differences between men and women.

a.  Men and women are TOTALLY different. 

b.  The emotional and physical differences are so great that in most cases there will be a need for a concentrated effort to understand these differences.

3.  In his book, His Needs and Her Needs, Dr. Willin Harley (a clinical psychologist) from Minnesota says these are the top 5 needs of husbands and wives:

Husband: __ __ __ __ __ __ fulfillment, companionship, attractive spouse, domestic support, admiration.        

Wife: __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __, conversation, honesty, financial security and family commitment

Lack of Preparation

Marriages are failing because those entering mar­riage are not trained to understand it. There is so little genuine preparation for marriage. We train our children for many things but often omit some of the most important matters. We would not allow them to drive an automobile without training, yet we allow them to get married without giving them what they need for success. They train for sports and occupations, but not in the art of making a good home. It is harder to get a drivers license than a marriage license.

The responsibility for this training is first the home and the parents. The young must be taught the responsibilities as well as the privileges in marriage. So many are so immature toward duties they must assume in marriage. They must be aware of problem areas like finances, the sore trouble when there are mixed religions, potential in-law problems, the necessity of loyalty to each other.

Interference

Many marriages fail because of interference from outsiders. Often these outsiders are mother-in-law or father-in-law who just will not allow the young to marry and become their own. Either the young are not willing to cut from the parents or the parents are not content to let the young govern their own affairs. Meddling in the affairs of the home of your children when you are not asked is to ask for trouble. Parents should always be willing to help and give advice when it is asked. But unless it is a matter of life and death, parents should stay out of the family affairs of their children. It brings estrangement and in-law trouble. The only real solution to in-law trouble is distance.

Wanted:         Good Examples

 Marriages sometimes fail because those involved have never had a good marriage set before them. They do not know what a good marriage is supposed to be. Their home when they were growing up was not as it ought to have been. There was strife, separations, divorce and all they know of home is a tug-of-war.

When they get married they think that this strife is what is expected in the home. They have never seen real consideration for others demonstrated.

Lack of Communication

The reason that all marriages fail is simple. Lack of communication. You can't assume that once you really know each other you don't have to talk over the big choices you make in your lives together. Don't let something that is bothering you go unnoticed, and don't let something you really appreciate go unpraised. Sometimes your spouse won't pick up that meaningful look you were so sure to give, you have to say something so they know what you are trying to communicate.'