IT Heights...

HEIGHT OF ISOLATION:
Two persons sitting side by side using emails to communicate with each other.

HEIGHT OF COWARDICE:
Two persons fighting through emails.

HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS:
Receiving no emails for a week.

HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION:
The email server being down.

HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS:
Writing a love mail and doing a 'Send All.'

HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS:
A person sending email to himself

HEIGHT OF EXPECTATION:
Sending Indian cricket team an e-mail, wishing them to win a match

HEIGHT OF REPETITION:
Forwarding an email to someone and receiving the same email forwarded back to you By some one in the receiving chain.

HEIGHT OF BROWSING:
U r swimming in the water tank and shout 'F1 F1 F1 ' instead of shouting 'HELP' when u are unable to swim...

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What if the IT Industry start making films ?

Some future film titles will be like :---

1) Meri disk tumhare paas hai---Humara dil apke paas hai
2) Aao chat kare---Aao Pyar Kare
3) Programmer no.1---Coolie no.1
4) Mera naam developer---Mera naam joker
5) Java wale job le jayenge---Dilwale dulhaniya le jayenge
6) Hum aapke memory mein rahate hain---Hum aapke dil mein rahte hein
7) Do processor baarah terminal---Do aankhen Baraah Haat
8) Tera code chal gaya---Tera jadoo chal gaya
9) Har Din jo mail Karega---Har dil jho pyar karega
10) Network Ke Us Paar
11) Debugging koi Khel nahi---Pyar koi khel nahi
12) Jis Desh mein Bill(gates) rahata Hai---Jis desh mein ganga bahthi hai
13) Raju ban gaya MCSE---Raju ban gaya Gentleman
14) Client ek numbari, PROGRAMMER Dus Nambari
15) Login karo sajana---Pyar karo sajna
16) Naukar PC ka
17) DOWN to hona hi tha---Pyar tho hona hi tha
18) Partition (Deewar)
19) 1942 - A Bug Story---1942 - A love story
20) Kaho Na Virus Hai---Kaho naa pyar hai
21)dot-Company (Company)
22) Program Instruction Aur Method ---Pyar Ishq aur mohabbat
23)Crash Se Crash Tak (QSQT)
24) Haan Meine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai---Haan mene bhi pyar kiya hai
25) BugVadh
26)Logon (Lagaan)
27) Shaheed Hacker Singh---Shaheed bhagat singh
28) Hacker 420
29)Password De Ke Dekho---Dil deke dekho
30)Terminal Apna Login Paraya
31) Mr Network Lal---Mr.Natwarlal
32)Meine Debug Kiya---Meine pyar kiya
33)Terminal Sajake Rakhna---Doli sajake rakhna
34) Debuggers ki Rani Hackers ka Raja
35) Kyonki Mein Debug Nahin Karta---Kyonki mein joot nahi bholta
36) Phir Teri Perl-Script Yaad Aayi
37.)Server se --- Dil se
38.)Mission Virus---Mission kashmir

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Are you a prostitute or a software consultant...

1. You work very odd hours.

2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.

3. You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money.

4. You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room.

5. You charge by the hour but your time can be extended for the right price.

6. You are not proud of what you do.

7. Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded.

8. It's difficult to have a family.

9. You have no job satisfaction.

10. If a client beats you up, the pimp just sends you to another client.

11. You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living.

12. People ask you, "What do you do?" and you can't explain it.

13. Your family hardly recognizes you at reunions (at least the reunions you attend.)

14. Your friends have distanced themselves from you and you're left hanging with only other "professionals."

15. Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate.

16. Your client always wants to know how much you charge and what they get for the money.

17. Your pimp drives nice cars like Mercedes or BMWs.

18. Your pimp encourages drinking and you become addicted to drugs to ease the pain of it all.

19. You know the pimp is charging more than you are worth but if the client is foolish enough to pay it's not your problem.

20. When you leave to go see a client, you look great, but return looking like hell (compare your appearance on Monday AM to Friday PM).

21. You are rated on your "performance" in an excruciating ordeal.

22. Even though you get paid the big bucks, it's the client who walks away smiling.

23. The client always thinks your "cut" of your billing rate is higher than it actually is, and in turn, expects miracles from you.

24. When you deduct your "take" from your billing rate, you constantly wonder if you could get a better deal with another pimp.

25. Everyday you wake up and tell yourself, "I'm not going to be doing this stuff the rest of my life."

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A GIRL

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper
Walk into bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way,
cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror. Make mental
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and
pumice stone.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint
conditioner, enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes. Wash
your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes, until red.
Rinse conditioner off hair. You must make sure that it has all come off. Shave armpits and
legs. Consider shaving bikini area, but decide to get it waxed instead.
Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see your husband
along the way, cover any exposed areas, then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a
half getting dressed.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed.
Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her,
Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs.
(No)
Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your ass.
Get in shower.
Don't bother to look for a washcloth...You don't use one.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.
Crack up at how loud your farts sound in the shower.
Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.
Shampoo your hair. Do not use conditioner. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.
Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left
the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time. Partially dry off.
Look at yourself in the mirror. Flex muscles. Admire the wiener size again.
Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the
towel, shake wiener at her, and make the "woo-woo" sound again.
Throw wet towel on the bed. Take two minutes to get dressed

Personal Problems
If men wrote the 'personal problems' section in the cosmopolitan magazine then Q & A section would be somewhat like this:-

Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex with me and my sister.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing your sister. Far from being an issue, this will bring all of the family together. Why not get some cousins involved?

If you are still apprehensive, then let him go with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex with him.
A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories a spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep your figure and gives a great glow to the skin. Interestingly, a man knows
this. His offer to you to perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremely painful for a man. This shows he loves you. Best thing to do is to thank him, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behaviour - and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that you do not love your man as much as you should he has to work a lot to get you in the mood. Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by buying a nice expensive present, and cooking a nice meal.

Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.
A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant, man-hating feminists and is a danger to the family unit. Don't mention it again him and show your love to him by buying a nice expensive present and don't forget to cook him a delicious meal.

Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex ?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not confused emotionally as women. It's a proven fact.

Q: Should I have sex on the first date ?
A: YES. Before if possible.

Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex ?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without a question. Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.

Q: How long should the sex act last ?
A: There is no average time, but anything over two minutes is good. Anything under that and you may be rushing your man. After your man has finished making love, he'll have a natural desire to leave you suddenly, and go out with his friends to play golf. Or perhaps another activity, such as going out with his friends to the bar for the purpose of consuming large amounts of alcohol and sharing a few personal thoughts with his buddies. Don't feel left out-while he's gone you can busy yourself by doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an expensive gift. He'll come back when he's ready.

Q: What is "afterplay?"
A: After a man has finished making love , he needs to replenish his manly energy. "Afterplay" is simply a list of important activities for you to do after the lovemaking. This includes lighting
his cigarette, making him sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few beers, or leaving him alone to sleep while you go out and buy him an expensive gift.

Q: Does the size of the penis matter ?
A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not quantity, is important, studies show this is simply not true. The average erect male penis measures about 3 inches. Anything longer than that is extremely rare and, if by some chance your lover's sexual organ is 4 inches or over, you should go down on your knees and thank you lucky stars and do everything possible to please him,
such as doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment and buying him an expensive gift.

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