WOMENS LANGUAGE TRANSLATED

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

Im sorry. = Youll be sorry.

We need... = I want

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Santa Singh's Prayer

Santa Singh needed some money desperately. Someone told him that
if he goes and prays at Gurudwara, Mosque, Church and a temple,
that his prayers will surely be answered.

So Santa goes to a Gurudwara, and prays there. Then he goes to a
Mosque and prays there.

Than he goes to a church and prays there. Then he goes to a Shiv
temple. The temple had a large Lord Shiva statue.

Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his
prayer.

Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Saannoo 100
rupayen chahiye. Kirpa karo."

The priest saw Santa praying. He wanted to help Santa, but knew
that a Sikh will never accept the money. So he drops a 100 rupee
note, from behind the statue, so that Santa can not see him.

After Santa had said his prayers, and opened his eyes. He saw the
note and thought that god has listened to his prayers. He takes
the note and goes away. However he is back again next day for
money.

Now the priest is really annoyed with Santa. The Priest decides
that he is not going to give any more money to Santa. He changes
the big Shivji statue with smaller one of Ganapathi that day.

Once again Santa goes to the prayer room. However he does not
notice the difference. Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins
his hands and says his prayer.

Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Ajj to saannoo
50 rupayen hi chahiye. Kirpa karo."

After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money.

Santa: "O papa jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Asee 10
rupayen me hi kaam chala lenge. Kirpa karo jee."

After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money.
He slowly raises his head and now notices that small Ganapthi
statue. He carefully looks left and than right, and than slowly
moves a bit forward near the statue.

Then he whispers to the statue: "Beta, Papa kitthe hai?!?!!"

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Computers?????

What does a baby computer call his father?
Data.
What is a computer`s first sign of old age?
Loss of memory.
What happened when the computer fell on the floor?
It slipped a disk.
Why was there a bug in the computer?
It was looking for a byte to eat.
What is a computer virus?
A terminal illness.
To err is human; but to really mess things up requires a computer.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.

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US Naval Ship

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES` ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT`S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: THIS IS A LIGHT HOUSE. YOUR CALL!