God decided it was time to end the world, so he called together those whom he considered the three most influential people in the world George Bush, Fidel Castro and Bill Gates. "The world will end," God told them. "You must go tell the people."

President Bush made a live statement on CNN. "I have a good news and a bad news," he said. "The good news is that we have been right, there is a God. The bad news is that he is ending the world."

Castro sent out a worldwide message to all Communists. "I have a bad news and worse news," he said. "The bad news is that we have been wrong all along- there is a God. The worse news is that he is ending the world."

Bill Gates got his Laptop and sent out a worldwide e-mail on the Internet. "I have good news and I have better news," he wrote. "The good news is that God thinks I one of the three most influential people in the world. The better news is that we dont have upgrade Windows 98!"

Never Marry a Software Engineer
Husband : Hey dear, I have logged in. Wife : Would you like to have some snacks?
Husband : Hard disk full. Wife : Have you bought the Saree. Husband : Bad command or file name.

Wife : But I told you about it in morning Husband : Erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife : Hey Bhagwan !forget it where's your salary. Husband : File in use, read only, try after some time. Wife : At least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping. Husband : Sharing violation, access denied. Wife : I made a mistake in marrying you. Husband : Data type mismatch. Wife : You are useless. Husband : By default.
Wife : Who was there with you in the car this morning? Husband : System unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot. Wife : What is the relation between you & your Receptionist? Husband : The only user with write permission. Wife : What is my value in your life? Husband : Unknown virus detected.

Wife : Do you love me or your computer? Husband : Too many parameters. Wife : I will go to my dad's house. Husband : Program performed illegal operation, it will Close. Wife : I will leave you forever. Husband : Close all programs and log out for another User. Wife : It is worthless talking to you. Husband : Shut down the computer? Wife : I am going! Husband : Its now safe to turn off your computer.

1. How many men does it take to open a beer? None, It should be opened by the time she brings it.

3. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me."

4. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

5. All wives are alike. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

6. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.

7. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.

8. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Many say monogamy is the same.

9. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It is called Wedding Cake.

10. Marriage is a 3 ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

11. Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

12. In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

13. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two Mothers-in-law

14. Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: That happens in every country, son.

15. A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."